What is domestic abuse?
The simple definition of domestic abuse.
Domestic abuse is:
Types of domestic abuse
Psychological/Emotional
Emotional abuse, sometimes called psychological abuse, is a pattern of behaviours where one person subjects another person to nonphysical acts that harm another person’s overall ability to function and their mental well-being.
This can include but is not limited to
- Making you doubt your own recollections or telling you things didn’t happen when they did (gaslighting)
- Calling you names or swearing at you
- Threatening to harm you, your pets, children, or other people who are important to you
- Embarrassing you in public or in front of family, friends, support workers or people you work with
- Putting you down and constantly criticising you
- Harassing someone or contacting them excessively to verbally berate them
Physical abuse in a relationship is any type of intentional violence done by a partner, spouse or family member typically with the intent to assert power and control over someone else. Physical abuse may come in manner different forms and does not have to leave an injury to be taken very seriously:
This can include but is not limited to
- Slapping
- Hitting
- Punching
- Pushing
- Shoving
- Biting
- Kicking
- Burning
- Choking
- Holding the victim down
- Throwing things at someone
Sexual abuse is any unwanted sexual contact obtained by force, threats or when a victim is unable to consent. Sexual abuse is commonly presumed to only be physical acts, however there are ways to sexually abuse someone without ever touching them.
Sexual abuse can take many different forms, including:
- vaginal, anal or oral intercourse
- An incomplete sexual act where sex is attempted but unsuccessful.
- Touching or hurting someone’s private areas.
- one’s private parts to an unwitting victim or forcing someone to watch pornography.
- Verbally shaming someone about their sexual performance
- Forbidding a victim from taking or using birth control, often with the intent to conceive, or forcing a partner to end a pregnancy.
- Stealthing (when it is agreed that a condom will be used, but one person removes it or doesn’t use it without the other persons knowledge).
- Distributing sexually graphic images of a partner without their consent (even if there was consent when the image was taken). This is referred to as revenge porn.
- Taking advantage of a partner sexually when they are unable to consent because they’re underage or a vulnerable adult, or they’re on drugs, inebriated, sleeping or unconscious.
Financial abuse is a form of mistreatment or control over someone’s money or assets. It can happen in a relationship where an abuser takes control of the finances, withholds or steals money, or prevents the victim from accessing or using their own income or benefits. This can be done in order to have a higher level of control over a person, to prevent someone from having an exit route from the relationship and/or to fund their own spending.
Financial abuse can take many forms but sometime will include:
- Restricting a person’s access to their own income or benefits
- Stealing or taking your cards without your knowledge to withdraw funds
- Cashing a person’s checks without permission or authorization
- Forging a person’s signature
- Deceiving or coercing a person to sign documents, such as a contract or will
- Improper use of guardianship, conservatorship, or power of attorney
- stopping you from going to work, college or university
Controlling and coercive behaviour
Coercive or controlling behaviour does not relate to a single incident, it is a purposeful pattern of incidents that occur over time in order for one individual to exert power, control or coercion over another. Coercive control is effectively controlling behaviour; Acts by an abuser which takes away another person’s freedom and ability to have a positive sense of self and worth which results in the victim feeling more dependent on the abuser, and then creates an on-going cycle of controlling abuse.
Coercive and controlling behaviour can be particularly difficult to identity when in an abusive relationship and is a relative newly recognised crime, only coming into law with the Serious Crime Act of 2015.
Coercion and control is a broad umbrella term however here are some common examples of what it may look like:
- Purposefully isolating a person, or preventing them from socialising with family and friends
- Stopping them from attending work or their place of study, e.g. by limiting their access to transport
- Demeaning and belittling a person, such as telling them they are worthless
- Controlling how much money they have and how they spend it
- Monitoring their activities and movements
- Taking control over aspects of your everyday life, such as where you can go, who you can see, what you can wear and when you can sleep
- Depriving you access to support services, medical advice, attending appointments etc.
- Putting you in fear of doing what you would like to do
Stalking
Stalking is unwanted and/or repeated surveillance by an individual or group toward another person. Stalking behaviours tend to be concurrent with harassment and intimidation and may include following the victim in person or monitoring them.
Stalking can happen with or without a fear of violence. This means that if you are receiving persistent unwanted contact that is causing you distress but the person has never threatened you, this is still stalking and is not acceptable.
Examples are:
- regularly following someone
- repeatedly going uninvited to their home
- checking someone’s internet use, email or other electronic communication
- hanging around somewhere they know the person often visits
- interfering with their property
- watching or spying on someone
- identity theft (signing-up to services, buying things in someone’s name)
Whilst stalking may not always cause fears of further harm or distress, it can very quickly escalate and is widely recognised as a higher risk indicator. When considering if you are being stalked, think about FOUR:
Fixated
Obsessive
Unwanted
Repeated
Digital
Digital abuse is when someone monitors, stalks, harasses, threatens, controls or impersonates another person using technology.
It can occur at any stage of a relationship and to people of all ages, becoming more and more common as technology advances and society becomes more reliant on the digital world. We now live in a world where most of our important information is documented online, leaving us vulnerable to those who may want to access this information and use it against you – It is no longer as simple of logging off or signing out.
Take a look at some examples of how the online world can be used by an abuser:
- using your social media accounts without your permission
- posting information about you online or by text/messenger
- creating a profile page without your permission
- sending you threatening messages
- sending threatening messages to other people whilst pretending to be you
- posting photos of you without your consent (also known as revenge porn)
- using spyware on your devices to track you
- taking away your control of smart home devices such as cameras, lights, thermostats
- controlling your bank accounts
If you feel that you have been impacted by domestic abuse then DIAS can help you. There is no reason for you to try to cope alone, so please do come into our Drop in Centre or give us a call. We are here for you.
Every situation is unique but there are some common factors that link together the experience of an abusive relationship. Acknowledging these factors is an important step in preventing and ending the abuse. At DIAS, we can help you to understand the workings of your relationship and decide if you feel that we can support you. We will never tell you what to do, but will listen to you, advise you of the choices available to you and help you to make your decisions.